You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
