I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
