i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
