I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
