you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
