dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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