he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
