i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
