You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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