Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
jump out the window naked night went bad
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
