I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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