i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
