Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
