Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
