Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
