If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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