Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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