a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
