My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
