R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
