Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We are all done wearing pants today
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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