I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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