You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
