I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
