just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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