Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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