well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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