I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
