For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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