Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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