You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
