So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
