Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
