I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
