I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
