"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
