she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
