Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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