You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
