Is it because I queefed?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
