I wish my penis had an off switch
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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