i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
