i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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