I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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