Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I supernannyed him into submission
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
