My room smells like vodka and shame
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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