Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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