I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
