is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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