I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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