xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
